|Deviant Login||Shop||Join deviantART for FREE||Take the Tour|
Hell Doesn't Even KnowI want to cry so much...
Maybe I'm happy,
Maybe I'm sad.
I feel so alone,
Yet I've been with people all day.
I feel so unloved,
Yet I know I have people who love me.
I can't talk about these feelings.
I can't open up when the door is locked.
And the key is lost.
I want to inspire,
But I just recieve empathy.
I want to die,
But I keep on breathing.
I feel so confused, lost and all alone.
The feelings inside me are too strong for my body.
I don't want someone to understand.
I want someone to give me the answers to why I am like this.
And a solution to fix the massacre inside me...
Destroy MeHe was beautiful.
Scars and all.
She was beautiful.
Scars and all.
Their love was undefiable.
There was no way to explain it.
They held hands as they walked,
Arm to arm,
Neither tried to stop nor help the other.
How could they?
Hypocrite wouldn't be the word.
But they comforted each other and did what ever the other asked them to do.
If she was upset and ready to relapse.
He hand her a red pen and kiss her on her forehead.
If he was close to punching himself.
She'd kiss his hand and hand him a stress ball.
They both listened as they spilled there feelings.
As they sobbed.
They shared sleepless nights lying together.
It didn't matter how much they felt like they didn't have purpose.
They need to love the other so that they were loved.
They both tried to fight together.
Support each other with whatever happened.
They were both beautiful.
So beautiful broken,
That their shattered peices,
fallen together created something bigger than when they were whole.
You...Brown hair, Brown eyes
Quite tall, Perfect Smile
At the back of my mind,
Silly memories of you forever stored.
When your happy or down...
When your not even around...
Asking what we're meant to do in class
And simple things as silly as that.
Eating an M&M found in your bag.
Drawing a granny, me failing to laugh.
And figuring out my vanilla perfume.
In Art the endless conversations about braces.
You offering a hug but getting rejected,
Casually asking about my birthday,
Only to be hushed by the teacher.
Oh so long ago was that day.
Following school year started out good
English characters around the room
I happened to land next to you.
The distance grew and broke my heart
I don't know who I am anymore.I don't know who I am anymore.
A person who wants to kill herself.
But wants to cry and then wants to laugh.
Who makes a joke about cutting.
But then gets triggered by the word cut.
Who over analysises ever thing.
Who dreams pathetic dreams.
Who hasn't got the courage to do anything.
Who disobeys her plan not to talk about her feelings.
Who gets so jealous if others have it worse off.
That's why she complains.
But she shouldn't. Complaining stops her being the worst off.
She planned to give up on love.
But couldn't even do that.
Who can control her anger.
But doesn't want to because it pains her soul.
She planned to commit suicide.
But she probably won't have the guts.
Who freaks out, reseaching about bipolar.
Who doesn't care about anyone.
And if she does she's helpless and worried and scared.
Who wished to be reckless and stupid in ways to get way.
But everything she does just makes it harder eacher day.
Please Kindly Leave My Brain"LEAVE ME ALONE!"
That's what I want to say.
I don't mean it.
I need you.
That's what I say.
I don't mean it.
I'm dying from the inside out.
Feel like shit... again...
"I'm just not hungry,"
Which is true. But with a deeper meaning...
I'll starve my body into death.
"I'm sure I'll live,"
Please don't say that.
What if your not sure?
You die. I die.
That's the situation.
How can I be happy, If I know you're not?
I need you're hugs too much...
A Letter for Mr C.RedDear Honey,
I don't want to feel like this.
And I want you in my life.
After all this time?
Is it just desperation?
I hope so.
My brain is messed up.
So I'm trying not to think of the bad,
But the good.
So I can feel the warmth inside my heart.
I'll fight against my brain;
Because the heart is telling me different once again.
The heart is right. I know it is.
My brain is the villian here;
Messed up and insane,
Haunted with thoughts.
And fake beliefs and rights,
Tortured with no rest in the long hopeless nights.
And just so you know, Red...
I wanted to reach out you the most.
Will the scars on my arm brake this wall?
Will you make me alive instead of a ghost?
Will you help me up when I inevitably fall?
So far away and yet so close, in so many different ways.
I'll still love you until my life shall go.
Your darling Yellow x
The Layers of SkinShe laughs out loud.
Talking to herself.
She doesn't care though.
This girl is surrounded with her friends.
Happy with her life.
She can't cope with the stress.
Stress of work.
Stress of life.
Then the feeling that all of these other feelings simmer to eventually.
She wants to scream.
She wants to shout.
She wants to let it all out.
But her anger she must bury.
Otherwise a rampage of spilling out swear words and other vile.
Out of control, reckless and stupid.
Not thinking of consequences.
So look emotionless.
Or 'in a mood' as they call it.
She hates her anger.
She hates her thoughts and feelings.
She hates her looks.
She hates herself.
That's what guilt whispers in her ears.
She tries not to infront of people.
She sobs herself to sleep.
She can't help.
She has no hope.
Confusion eats away at her brain.
Do you ever feel like...Do you ever feel like...
You have no energy to get up and walk to the other side of your room.
You wake up in the morning and would beg to go back to sleep.
You would storm out of a classroom screaming, crying and swearing- if stupid questions like "what's wrong? What happened?" (or being screamed at) weren't asked after.
You cry. You cry. And You cry.
People don't like me - That's what you think.
People don't care. Don't love. Don't want.
The second you find a problem you can't fix or control yourself.
Bitch. You are a bitch. Ugly bitch. Fat. Stupid. Mean. Heartless. Selfish.
SHUT UP! FUCK THE HELL OFF! - you can't control your thoughts.
The second you get annoyed at someone. "I HATE YOU!" But you don't.
You hate yourself.
You think about where you could be, would be, wouldn't be.
You think about death and wonder about death.
You think about cancer and all those illnesses out there.
You store everything about death- suicide- in your head like a cabinet file.
You can stare off into the
I have no words to say.
I haven't got the will to.
I haven't got the will to say the words.
I haven't got a clue what to do........
Starving myself to death is a long way...
But thoughts of death run down the drain with the blood from my cuts.
The pain has washed over my days for weeks. Months. Years.
It never goes.
I have no way to help myself.
Nor can I save those around me.
As I try to stop someone from touching the flame. I burn myself.
We both burn ourselves.
Should we just estinguish life?
Is that what we should be doing?
I don't understand as messed up as they are how can they not want me to to be so like this?
If they are saying and agreeing it how can they babble positive vile?
How can they tell me I’m going to be okay when they don’t want to be okay themselves?
I can’t do it.
I am in the same position as those around me. I reflect and worry what they are feeling.
I can’t tell them things will be b
MessEverywhere I go
Every single place
The troubles seem to grow
Every smiling face
Eventually frowns with woe
Why can't I do
I just screw
Up everything despite
The happiness I try to spew
Is it me
Am I the source of this ache
Does the pain flow free
Is this what I make
Should I go away and hide
Never to see others
Or the outside
But would I stop another's
Pain and be the only one that ever cried
What is a life with no grey
When everyone is sad
I'd give it all away
It wouldn't be that bad
I would finally be able to say
I saved a life
Don't You Give UpFrom time to time you sit in the dark,
Life has lost it's meaning-
Pain sears through every bone,
and your heart feels like stone,
Life is heavy, a game you'll lose,
Avoiding failure, but you can't choose,
Everyone seems to wait for you to die,
There is no friendship, love is a lie,
But you've never given up hope,
I can see you still try to cope,
You're not dead, you're full of life,
It's waiting for you to begin to strive,
Unconsciously you chose happiness,
And you'll achieve it, though life is a mess,
I can tell that you'll keep going,
And I will stop the pain from showing,
Time will pass and things will look up,
Through death and despair, lots of bad luck,
You'll make it dear one, I always believed in you,
It's a sad thing to know this news is new,
I'll support you where I can, and you know this well,
Ask me nicely and I'll join you in hell,
I won't just let you die alone, you deserve better,
And what they scream, it just doesn't matter,
Here I hold out my aching hand,
Trust me when
Between You and Me.I never believed you,
I only wanted to.
Lying back to back
I was counting your breaths
to make sure your lack of
didn't leave you
Like a ghost
the fading memories of your touch
what I was trying to forget.
Oh, why did I give it up to you?
I know it's my fault.
My expectations were greater than
what you were willing to offer,
and I got scared.
I tried shutting you out,
to gather myself together
behind a shield of apathy,
but only ended up in
Your kiss never tasted as
as the last time
I made love to you...
You mattered.The way the necklace falls between her collarbones.
The piece of hair, which curled behind her ear.
How she lays her head down on the desk during a lecture.
How her perfume smells as she walks past you in the hallway.
The light tinge of lip-gloss, that sticks to her coffee cup.
The way her fingers clutch onto her book.
Every last detail you adore about her.
You still recall the laughter that echoed through the apartment.
The way her eyes danced, like you did under the moon that night.
You remember the way she used to be, when she was herself.
When she was living.
Although she's not dead, she's not alive either.
She's just a lonely ghost with a beating heart.
A beating heart, without a purpose.
But you aren't there to hold her close.
You aren't there to tell her it's all alright.
To tell her that it isn't her fault that you killed yourself that night.
That she couldn't have stopped you.
Just like how now, 5 months later, you can't stop her.
loveYou are the sunlight
I love to wake up to
And hope to always see
Every morning someday
You've grown a garden
Of love inside my soul
From the seeds of kisses
You planted on my skin
You truly are an angel
Walking among the devils
That inhabit this world
Driving us all to madness
You've made the lyrics
In all my favorite love songs
Come to life with each melody
We make on our own
One YearThat name
Lingers at the back of my mind
A year has passed
Ever so fast
Yet i'm still sad
I feel too bad
I need to stop
And move on
So why cant i?
First Girl too
I'm so confused
Am i this am i that
I've told people now
I cant go back
I'm hoping that special person
Will walk into my life
And stay this time
Because i want someone to hold me into the night..
Words HurtWords Hurt
Hit me one more time
Hit me again
Push me around
On the floor
Down the stairs
It hurts less than your words
So kick me
Bruise my skin
But don’t call me names
It causes too much pain
I love you I really do
I’ll take the abuse
And be your punch bag
But please keep your words
My head can’t take it
My mind won’t survive
It destroys me.
BreakableBe a little more careful with me
I told you how frail I am
I bruise easily, I crumble so fast
I am still so breakable
I wish you'd understand
That I am just awaking
Starting new, all naked and hurt
With no secrets
With no regrets
But you never want to accept
That I am not who I used to be
You just never forget
That I try to let go this grudge
By facing my fears
My greatest fear is you
I can't stay out of your life
Unless you let me go
I can't stop seeing you as enemy
Unless you talk this out with me
I am so tired of playing the game
But I never manage to write my own rules
I just stay in a corner of my deranged mind
And enjoy the abuse of being a tool
Life is so heavy lately
Why do you threaten to make it worse?
Why don't you accept that you are wrong too?
And that you deserve the pain you get
It has to have a reason
And honey, you are the reason yourself
Maybe if you'd agree with the truth
You'd be free and stop hurting those
Those few unrealistic friends
This hate and anger
I know it
Nobody Told MeNobody told me,
How to act.
I wish I knew how much was too much,
or when too little was not enough.
If somebody told me,
that the small things meant the most,
and the big things were forgettable;
Where would I be today?
Nobody told me,
Who to love.
What came of the people I knew
and who were the people I would have known?
If somebody told me,
that I HAD the perfect person,
or that I am with the wrong one;
Would I be able to live with myself?
Nobody told me,
How to feel.
Is what I am feeling right or wrong,
and which should I act upon?
If somebody told me,
that I was being overly obsessive,
or that I shouldn't have let go:
Would I be the same person I am now?
Nobody told me...
...and I'm not sure if I'd want to know the answers.
Goodbye...I don't think I love you anymore.
I have loved you for a year and 10 months and you never noticed.
I hope it isn't just because I haven't seen you in ages.
I really hope so.
Because if it is.
As soon as I see your face all of that love will come rushing back.
But with love comes pain.
I must be over you.
Because I've fallen for a man created in my brain.
Who cheers me up.
Who holds me when I cry.
Who talks to me when I'm alone.
Who helps me when I've hurt myself.
Who loves me for me.
Who understands me.
And I know he doesn't exist so he can't be you.
I don't think I've let you go though.
Keep in Touch!
Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More