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You...Brown hair, Brown eyes
Quite tall, Perfect Smile
At the back of my mind,
Silly memories of you forever stored.
When your happy or down...
When your not even around...
Asking what we're meant to do in class
And simple things as silly as that.
Eating an M&M found in your bag.
Drawing a granny, me failing to laugh.
And figuring out my vanilla perfume.
In Art the endless conversations about braces.
You offering a hug but getting rejected,
Casually asking about my birthday,
Only to be hushed by the teacher.
Oh so long ago was that day.
Following school year started out good
English characters around the room
I happened to land next to you.
The distance grew and broke my heart
I don't know who I am anymore.I don't know who I am anymore.
A person who wants to kill herself.
But wants to cry and then wants to laugh.
Who makes a joke about cutting.
But then gets triggered by the word cut.
Who over analysises ever thing.
Who dreams pathetic dreams.
Who hasn't got the courage to do anything.
Who disobeys her plan not to talk about her feelings.
Who gets so jealous if others have it worse off.
That's why she complains.
But she shouldn't. Complaining stops her being the worst off.
She planned to give up on love.
But couldn't even do that.
Who can control her anger.
But doesn't want to because it pains her soul.
She planned to commit suicide.
But she probably won't have the guts.
Who freaks out, reseaching about bipolar.
Who doesn't care about anyone.
And if she does she's helpless and worried and scared.
Who wished to be reckless and stupid in ways to get way.
But everything she does just makes it harder eacher day.
Destroy MeHe was beautiful.
Scars and all.
She was beautiful.
Scars and all.
Their love was undefiable.
There was no way to explain it.
They held hands as they walked,
Arm to arm,
Neither tried to stop nor help the other.
How could they?
Hypocrite wouldn't be the word.
But they comforted each other and did what ever the other asked them to do.
If she was upset and ready to relapse.
He hand her a red pen and kiss her on her forehead.
If he was close to punching himself.
She'd kiss his hand and hand him a stress ball.
They both listened as they spilled there feelings.
As they sobbed.
They shared sleepless nights lying together.
It didn't matter how much they felt like they didn't have purpose.
They need to love the other so that they were loved.
They both tried to fight together.
Support each other with whatever happened.
They were both beautiful.
So beautiful broken,
That their shattered peices,
fallen together created something bigger than when they were whole.
Hell Doesn't Even KnowI want to cry so much...
Maybe I'm happy,
Maybe I'm sad.
I feel so alone,
Yet I've been with people all day.
I feel so unloved,
Yet I know I have people who love me.
I can't talk about these feelings.
I can't open up when the door is locked.
And the key is lost.
I want to inspire,
But I just recieve empathy.
I want to die,
But I keep on breathing.
I feel so confused, lost and all alone.
The feelings inside me are too strong for my body.
I don't want someone to understand.
I want someone to give me the answers to why I am like this.
And a solution to fix the massacre inside me...
Please Kindly Leave My Brain"LEAVE ME ALONE!"
That's what I want to say.
I don't mean it.
I need you.
That's what I say.
I don't mean it.
I'm dying from the inside out.
Feel like shit... again...
"I'm just not hungry,"
Which is true. But with a deeper meaning...
I'll starve my body into death.
"I'm sure I'll live,"
Please don't say that.
What if your not sure?
You die. I die.
That's the situation.
How can I be happy, If I know you're not?
I need you're hugs too much...
I have no words to say.
I haven't got the will to.
I haven't got the will to say the words.
I haven't got a clue what to do........
Starving myself to death is a long way...
But thoughts of death run down the drain with the blood from my cuts.
The pain has washed over my days for weeks. Months. Years.
It never goes.
I have no way to help myself.
Nor can I save those around me.
As I try to stop someone from touching the flame. I burn myself.
We both burn ourselves.
Should we just estinguish life?
Is that what we should be doing?
I don't understand as messed up as they are how can they not want me to to be so like this?
If they are saying and agreeing it how can they babble positive vile?
How can they tell me I’m going to be okay when they don’t want to be okay themselves?
I can’t do it.
I am in the same position as those around me. I reflect and worry what they are feeling.
I can’t tell them things will be b
I Give Up.I give Up.
I'll go find a hole and die.
I don't know how.
Maybe I'll just rot away.
I need to just get away from my brain.
My suffocating thoughts and problems.
Maybe if I run away?
I rely on people too much.
I wish I didn't.
Because, I owe them more than the pain I could give them.
I can't see.
But I try.
But I cry.
No I don't.
I don't want to admit it.
I can't and I'll regret it.
I'm all over the place.
But I'm heavy.
I'm full of emotion.
And I can't get it out.
And the ones that work I can't do.
I don't know what I need.
But I want you.
Day 107School stress is not a good mixture with suicidal thoughts.
Today has be amazing but I've now in a load of shit.
I got a C. And a B. and I can't help but feel shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Two people asked about my bruise on my leg.
So two lies I've said.
Maybe I should just give up?
I helped a friend today because she was stressed, and worried.
Locked herself in the toilets.
I had to help.
I couldn't not help.
Because the way I am and how unstable my shit is.
I could very well be in that locked toilet.
Could be tomorrow?Could be a month?
Only I'd either be there with a badge or a blade.
Or my fist or nail.
Or a plastic bag. And hoodie chord.
Nah. Not the plastic bag. Not the hoodie chord.
Because I couldn't' do that in school.
It would spread like wildfire.
But the rest could be true.
Anyway due to helping a friend.
Well I forgot to find out about my exam tomorrow.
Then last lesson waiting for shitty results.
I stayed with my friend for support.
But no I forgot to get my pen drive
MessEverywhere I go
Every single place
The troubles seem to grow
Every smiling face
Eventually frowns with woe
Why can't I do
I just screw
Up everything despite
The happiness I try to spew
Is it me
Am I the source of this ache
Does the pain flow free
Is this what I make
Should I go away and hide
Never to see others
Or the outside
But would I stop another's
Pain and be the only one that ever cried
What is a life with no grey
When everyone is sad
I'd give it all away
It wouldn't be that bad
I would finally be able to say
I saved a life
Don't You Give UpFrom time to time you sit in the dark,
Life has lost it's meaning-
Pain sears through every bone,
and your heart feels like stone,
Life is heavy, a game you'll lose,
Avoiding failure, but you can't choose,
Everyone seems to wait for you to die,
There is no friendship, love is a lie,
But you've never given up hope,
I can see you still try to cope,
You're not dead, you're full of life,
It's waiting for you to begin to strive,
Unconsciously you chose happiness,
And you'll achieve it, though life is a mess,
I can tell that you'll keep going,
And I will stop the pain from showing,
Time will pass and things will look up,
Through death and despair, lots of bad luck,
You'll make it dear one, I always believed in you,
It's a sad thing to know this news is new,
I'll support you where I can, and you know this well,
Ask me nicely and I'll join you in hell,
I won't just let you die alone, you deserve better,
And what they scream, it just doesn't matter,
Here I hold out my aching hand,
Trust me when
Between You and Me.I never believed you,
I only wanted to.
Lying back to back
I was counting your breaths
to make sure your lack of
didn't leave you
Like a ghost
the fading memories of your touch
what I was trying to forget.
Oh, why did I give it up to you?
I know it's my fault.
My expectations were greater than
what you were willing to offer,
and I got scared.
I tried shutting you out,
to gather myself together
behind a shield of apathy,
but only ended up in
Your kiss never tasted as
as the last time
I made love to you...
Nobody Told MeNobody told me,
How to act.
I wish I knew how much was too much,
or when too little was not enough.
If somebody told me,
that the small things meant the most,
and the big things were forgettable;
Where would I be today?
Nobody told me,
Who to love.
What came of the people I knew
and who were the people I would have known?
If somebody told me,
that I HAD the perfect person,
or that I am with the wrong one;
Would I be able to live with myself?
Nobody told me,
How to feel.
Is what I am feeling right or wrong,
and which should I act upon?
If somebody told me,
that I was being overly obsessive,
or that I shouldn't have let go:
Would I be the same person I am now?
Nobody told me...
...and I'm not sure if I'd want to know the answers.
One YearThat name
Lingers at the back of my mind
A year has passed
Ever so fast
Yet i'm still sad
I feel too bad
I need to stop
And move on
So why cant i?
First Girl too
I'm so confused
Am i this am i that
I've told people now
I cant go back
I'm hoping that special person
Will walk into my life
And stay this time
Because i want someone to hold me into the night..
Like BreathingYour Kiss..
One is just not enough
For it puts me in a rare bliss
Going without it, is just so rough
For every time I see you
I just want to kiss you, its just so hard to resist
Because its all I want to do
For that one time we had kissed...
Was like a drug, so addicting
But also like breathing so natural
Why is it so contradicting
I just hope these feelings are mutual
For all I want now is your kiss
Words HurtWords Hurt
Hit me one more time
Hit me again
Push me around
On the floor
Down the stairs
It hurts less than your words
So kick me
Bruise my skin
But don’t call me names
It causes too much pain
I love you I really do
I’ll take the abuse
And be your punch bag
But please keep your words
My head can’t take it
My mind won’t survive
It destroys me.
i miss you...I sit here in this rain,
Thinking of you.
But no matter how long I wait on this bench,
You will never meet me here.
I’ve got on my best dress, my cane,
Even that old bowler hat you always liked,
And I wait at the bench where we first met.
But you will never meet me here again.
I lean on my cane in front of me,
Thinking of you,
What I long for...You laugh at the stories I read so carefully.
The ones full of something you don't believe in.
The thing I want so badly that you have taken for granted.
The thing you seem to not feel inside for the ones who do.
You gave yourself away to anyone who asked for you.
Unlike I who is still waiting for this.
You are the popular one who is touched by all.
Unlike I who is unknown and touched by no one.
You ask me why I wait and think for myself.
I ask why you didn't and why you do not.
You ask me why I am not known by all.
I ask why you are.
I look at those who gaze at you and wonder,
'Are there any who gaze at me?'
I sometimes wish I were confident like you,
but then I think I do not need it.
I wonder what you feel,
I wonder how you live,
I wonder if you think,
because you carry a burden I don't.
I feel so sad,
I feel like a no one,
I envy you sometimes,
because you have someone who follows.
What is this thing you scoff so easily?
What is this thing I long for so badly?
What is thing you tak
Goodbye...I don't think I love you anymore.
I have loved you for a year and 10 months and you never noticed.
I hope it isn't just because I haven't seen you in ages.
I really hope so.
Because if it is.
As soon as I see your face all of that love will come rushing back.
But with love comes pain.
I must be over you.
Because I've fallen for a man created in my brain.
Who cheers me up.
Who holds me when I cry.
Who talks to me when I'm alone.
Who helps me when I've hurt myself.
Who loves me for me.
Who understands me.
And I know he doesn't exist so he can't be you.
I don't think I've let you go though.
SolaceShe never slept well in the dark,
not without the children of the sun and moon
to guide her weary lids home.
Guided by the aftermath, she was always two steps behind.
What did the world look like to the girl who had been through it all?
Braved the heaviest of storms,
yet skipping over cracks in the pavement.
They said her eyes were the wisps of clouds before the storm.
To him they were reflections of pages overlooked.
She said it was like she lived the life of someone she had never met.
Laid out to dry, yesterdays news.
He knew her as the girl who was built to never collapse.
He wished he was too.
He loved her more than words could say, and yet her pain was such,
that at times, he feared she wouldn’t make it.
But on nights like these, even when it threatened to consume her,
he became convinced that somehow she would.
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