[x]

You...Brown hair, Brown eyes
Quite tall, Perfect Smile

At the back of my mind,
Always there,
Silly memories of you forever stored.
When your happy or down...
When your not even around...
Asking what we're meant to do in class
And simple things as silly as that.

You..
Eating an M&M found in your bag.
Drawing a granny, me failing to laugh.
And figuring out my vanilla perfume.

In Art the endless conversations about braces.
You offering a hug but getting rejected,
Casually asking about my birthday,
Only to be hushed by the teacher.
Oh so long ago was that day.

Following school year started out good
English characters around the room
I happened to land next to you.
The distance grew and broke my heart

Hell Doesn't Even KnowI want to cry so much...
Why?

Maybe I'm happy,
Maybe I'm sad.

I feel so alone,
Yet I've been with people all day.
I feel so unloved,
Yet I know I have people who love me.

I can't talk about these feelings.
I can't open up when the door is locked.
And the key is lost.

I want to inspire,
But I just recieve empathy.
I want to die,
But I keep on breathing.

I feel so confused, lost and all alone.
The feelings inside me are too strong for my body.

I don't want someone to understand.
I want someone to give me the answers to why I am like this.
And a solution to fix the massacre inside me...

Please Kindly Leave My Brain"LEAVE ME ALONE!"
That's what I want to say.
I don't mean it.
I need you.

"I'm Fine,"
That's what I say.
I don't mean it.
I'm dying from the inside out.
Tired.
Nervous.
Scared.
Jealous.
Angry.
Mad.
Insane.
Feel like shit... again...

"I'm just not hungry,"
I say.
Which is true. But with a deeper meaning...
No Food.
I'll starve my body into death.

"I'm sure I'll live,"
Please.
Please don't say that.
What if your not sure?
You die. I die.
That's the situation.

How can I be happy, If I know you're not?

It's immpossible.

I need you're hugs too much...

I hate myself.I hate myself.

Mainly for confiding in her.
Everyone says to talk.
But I use it to be mean.
I feel like I have to be depressed all the time.

When actually I'll do better if they don't know.

I feel sick.
So sick because I hate myself so much.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't know what plan I'm following in my head...

It's best I go to bed...

You mattered.The way the necklace falls between her collarbones.
The piece of hair, which curled behind her ear.
How she lays her head down on the desk during a lecture.
How her perfume smells as she walks past you in the hallway.
The light tinge of lip-gloss, that sticks to her coffee cup.
The way her fingers clutch onto her book.
Every last detail you adore about her.
You still recall the laughter that echoed through the apartment.
The way her eyes danced, like you did under the moon that night.
You remember the way she used to be, when she was herself.
When she was living.
Although she's not dead, she's not alive either.
She's just a lonely

A Letter for Mr C.RedDear Honey,
I don't want to feel like this.
And I want you in my life.

Why?
After all this time?
Is it just desperation?
I hope so.

My brain is messed up.
I'm helpless.
So I'm trying not to think of the bad,
But the good.
So I can feel the warmth inside my heart.
I'll fight against my brain;
Because the heart is telling me different once again.

The heart is right. I know it is.
My brain is the villian here;
Messed up and insane,
Haunted with thoughts.
And fake beliefs and rights,
Tortured with no rest in the long hopeless nights.

And just so you know, Red...
I wanted to reach out you the most.
Will the scars on my arm brake this wall?
Will you make me alive instead of a ghost?
Will you help me up when I inevitably fall?

So far away and yet so close, in so many different ways.
I'll still love you until my life shall go.
Love always,
Your darling Yellow x

I don't know who I am anymore.I don't know who I am anymore.

A person who wants to kill herself.
But wants to cry and then wants to laugh.

Who makes a joke about cutting.
But then gets triggered by the word cut.

Who over analysises ever thing.
Who dreams pathetic dreams.

Who hasn't got the courage to do anything.
Who disobeys her plan not to talk about her feelings.
Who gets so jealous if others have it worse off.
That's why she complains.
But she shouldn't. Complaining stops her being the worst off.

She planned to give up on love.
But couldn't even do that.

Who can control her anger.
But doesn't want to because it pains her soul.

She planned to commit suicide.
B

Hypocritical Me10 seconds ago.
10 seconds ago I felt great.
I felt the most happiest I've felt in a long time.
I felt like a child again.
I felt dizzy and insane and careless.

Thanks for bringing me down with a ton of bricks.
Thanks for 'being honest' today about how you were feeling.

You couldn't have done that when I felt okay?

Maybe I am being selfish.

But my insane brain is wired up to being,
The.
Most.
Depressed.

Having you tell me nothing could make you worse right now was like a mind game to my brain.

Like pulling the rug underneath its feet after helping it get up again.

Like sitting a child down and telling them about murder about ev

I want you,I want you
To know me.

I want you
To befriend me.

I want you
To love me.

I want you
To hug me.

I want you
To hold me.

I want you
To kiss me.

I want you
To be with me.

I want you
To sleep with me.

I want you
To marry me.

I want you
To spend the rest of your life with me...

Between You and Me.
I never believed you,
I only wanted to.

.....

Lying back to back
I was counting your breaths
to make sure your lack of
heart
didn't leave you
dead.

....

Like a ghost
the fading memories of your touch
kept screaming
what I was trying to forget.

...

Oh, why did I give it up to you?

..

I know it's my fault.
My expectations were greater than
what you were willing to offer,
and I got scared.

I tried shutting you out,
to gather myself together
behind a shield of apathy,
but only ended up in
self-destruction.

.

Your kiss never tasted as
intoxicatingly bitter
as the last time
I made love to you...

More like...How did it happen?
Love at first sight?
More like he walked you home one night

So a new guy?
Was it a romantic kiss at midnight?
More like an 'X' sent on an internet website

Long distance?
Had a good time away?
More like met up for a couple of days

Wow 3rd guy in a row?
But it must be great?
More like 'ever heard of a date'?

Broke up again?
Wow things are tough?
More like 'Facebook stop telling me this stuff'

So back to long distance?
Glad to see you smile.
More like 'We haven't spoken as much in awhile'

So you broke up again?
Sometime love is so overrated
More like your relationship status should be 'It's Complicated'

MessEverywhere I go
Every single place
The troubles seem to grow
Every smiling face
Eventually frowns with woe

Why can't I do
Anything right
I just screw
Up everything despite
The happiness I try to spew

Is it me
Am I the source of this ache
Does the pain flow free
Is this what I make
People be?

Should I go away and hide
Never to see others
Or the outside
But would I stop another's
Pain and be the only one that ever cried

What is a life with no grey
When everyone is sad
I'd give it all away
It wouldn't be that bad
I would finally be able to say

I saved a life

I Give Up.I give Up.

I'm sick.
I'll go find a hole and die.

I don't know how.
Maybe I'll just rot away.

I need to just get away from my brain.

My suffocating thoughts and problems.

Maybe if I run away?

I rely on people too much.
I wish I didn't.
Because, I owe them more than the pain I could give them.

Don't You Give UpFrom time to time you sit in the dark,
Life has lost it's meaning-
Pain sears through every bone,
and your heart feels like stone,

Life is heavy, a game you'll lose,
Avoiding failure, but you can't choose,
Everyone seems to wait for you to die,
There is no friendship, love is a lie,

But you've never given up hope,
I can see you still try to cope,
You're not dead, you're full of life,
It's waiting for you to begin to strive,

Unconsciously you chose happiness,
And you'll achieve it, though life is a mess,
I can tell that you'll keep going,
And I will stop the pain from showing,

Time will pass and things will look up,
Through death and despa

ChangedPromise is a big word.
That you've obviously never learned.
And forever is a long time,
With a lot of bumps and turns.

Don't tell me that you love me.
Until you know what that means.
I won't be second option.
Taking the backseat.

You used to be big on the truth.
You aren't the boy I knew.
The lies that leave your mouth,
Tends to prosper who?

Now everything you say.
Always seems to change
Pick yourself up.
And get your story straight.

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More from ~YellowTori

I have never felt so much painI have never felt so much pain,
Until I saw my friend was in pain.
For reasons she couldn't explain.
It confused my brain.

At first I was so concerned.
Where did she go?
It just happened so.
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My thoughts weren't poiseded.

Where as they have before...

Making up stories in my head.
Bending and twisting reality into lies.

This time.
I was close.
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Another pain brought by today,
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I felt so jealous.
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So angry.

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Spilling the WordsI found my guardian angel.
I guess I should be happy.
But somethings up with my mind...
They always pop up when I'm down.
And know how to cheer me up.
Which is good?

But with my guardian angel comes a glitch.
Because on their scarred back there wings are ripped.
But I never see this side of them.
I hope I help...

And then there's this policy that means we can't 'be a couple'.
Even though we wouldn't.
But it's obvious we could, if the situation was different...
I guess, we just understand each other so well.

Plus he's like family.

I don't know why this is on my mind.
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Goodbye...

by ~YellowTori, Jan 1, 2013, 1:12:20 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

I don't think I love you anymore.

I have loved you for a year and 10 months and you never noticed.
I hope it isn't just because I haven't seen you in ages.
I really hope so.
Because if it is.
As soon as I see your face all of that love will come rushing back.
But with love comes pain.

I must be over you.
Because I've fallen for a man created in my brain.

Who cheers me up.
Who holds me when I cry.
Who talks to me when I'm alone.
Who helps me when I've hurt myself.
Who loves me for me.
Who understands me.

And I know he doesn't exist so he can't be you.

I don't think I've let you go though.
Not completly...