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The Layers of SkinShe laughs out loud.
Talking to herself.
She's crazy.
She doesn't care though.
She's happy.

She laughs.
She smiles.
This girl is surrounded with her friends.
Happy with her life.

She sighes.
She cries.
She can't cope with the stress.
Stress of work.
Stress of life.

Then the feeling that all of these other feelings simmer to eventually.
Depressed.
Dead.
Down.
Drained.

She wants to scream.
She wants to shout.

She wants to let it all out.
But her anger she must bury.
Otherwise a rampage of spilling out swear words and other vile.
Out of control, reckless and stupid.
Not thinking of consequences.
So look emotionles
Please Kindly Leave My Brain"LEAVE ME ALONE!"
That's what I want to say.
I don't mean it.
I need you.

"I'm Fine,"
That's what I say.
I don't mean it.
I'm dying from the inside out.
Tired.
Nervous.
Scared.
Jealous.
Angry.
Mad.
Insane.
Feel like shit... again...

"I'm just not hungry,"
I say.
Which is true. But with a deeper meaning...
No Food.
I'll starve my body into death.

"I'm sure I'll live,"
Please.
Please don't say that.
What if your not sure?
You die. I die.
That's the situation.

How can I be happy, If I know you're not?

It's immpossible.

I need you're hugs too much...
I don't know who I am anymore.I don't know who I am anymore.

A person who wants to kill herself.
But wants to cry and then wants to laugh.

Who makes a joke about cutting.
But then gets triggered by the word cut.

Who over analysises ever thing.
Who dreams pathetic dreams.

Who hasn't got the courage to do anything.
Who disobeys her plan not to talk about her feelings.
Who gets so jealous if others have it worse off.
That's why she complains.
But she shouldn't. Complaining stops her being the worst off.

She planned to give up on love.
But couldn't even do that.

Who can control her anger.
But doesn't want to because it pains her soul.

She planned to commit suicide.
B
The Land We Live OnI know of a land where young ones are corrupt,
Where the butterflies attempt to fly with broken wings,
But die in the process.
An outcast is just a ghoul in hiding.
Every loving word slurred never meant a thing.
The scars are always visible.
In this land it is always below zero.
Each day everyone knows that tomorrow will be the same,
Here lies no hope.
The soil covering the surface is poisoned.
Sometimes tongues are chopped off.
Slowly they all lose their mind.
The eldest ones are locked away to be hidden in the dark.
So many broken hearts, they cannot even be counted.
Memories are shunned with pills,
And obscure buildings that cause blood sh
Freaks ShowFingers scratching at my wrist,
Wanting a beautiful kiss.
The lips they know too well,
Gradually I feel my mind compelling,
Back to almost a month ago,
When I was still apart of the freak show.
Dancing on the stage,
With a pointy blade,
Focused on a luscious vein.
The oh's and ah's of the crowd causes pain,
I finally notice how different I really am.
I finally notice there is nothing I can,
Do to pick up the glass without getting cut.
I finally noticed that all I am is a nut.
I finally noticed that deep down I'm in the freak show for life,
I can no longer hide and fight,
The true me when it's thriving to come out.
In this moment I do doubt,
T
Goodbye...I don't think I love you anymore.

I have loved you for a year and 10 months and you never noticed.
I hope it isn't just because I haven't seen you in ages.
I really hope so.
Because if it is.
As soon as I see your face all of that love will come rushing back.
But with love comes pain.

I must be over you.
Because I've fallen for a man created in my brain.

Who cheers me up.
Who holds me when I cry.
Who talks to me when I'm alone.
Who helps me when I've hurt myself.
Who loves me for me.
Who understands me.

And I know he doesn't exist so he can't be you.

I don't think I've let you go though.
Not completly...
Coming Apart at the SeamsAgain my arms have paid the price,
For the pathetic thing,
I call my life.
Cuts up and down,
Decorating my arm,
Keeping me safe,
From emotional harm.
Guarding my soul,
All through the night.
Showing that there is darkness,
Even in light.
So no matter how much I try,
To just go past,
The scars on my arms will always last.
They'll line up,
With the ones in my heart,
Until the day,
I finally fall apart.
We Are/You Aren'tWe are the unwanted, the broken
The ones you forgot about.
So don't be too surprised when we
Start to scream and shout.

We are the living, the dying
The ones you all put down.
But you'll know who we are when we
Run this goddamn town.

We are the corpses, the maggots
The ones you all despise.
But you'll be the ones scared when we
Expose all your lies.

We are the hunted, the lost
The ones you all spurn.
But you'll cry for our help when we
Leave you all to burn.

We are the losers, the winners
The ones that you deny.
But you'll be the ones damned when we
Hear the angels cry.
I hate myself.I hate myself.

Mainly for confiding in her.
Everyone says to talk.
But I use it to be mean.
I feel like I have to be depressed all the time.

When actually I'll do better if they don't know.

I feel sick.
So sick because I hate myself so much.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't know what plan I'm following in my head...

It's best I go to bed...
Butterfly ScreamsIt's fun,
Isn't it?
Hurting me?
Killing me?
Watching me bleed?

Mocking me?
Striking me?
Ignoring my needs?

Destroying who I am,
And all I'll ever be.

But you wouldn't stop,
That I can see.

The butterflies in my stomach,
Scream as the hurtful words
Pin them to corkboard.
I'll cut myself,
And bleed.
I'm gonna lay down,
And hear the butterflies scream.

"Don't even worry."
"I'm perfectly fine."
Words are sandpaper,
And a couple of lies.

So while I'm here,
Down on the floor;
Do your worst,
Your worst and more.

So I'll lay down,
And bleed.
Even when I'm gone,
The butterflies will still scream.
The Evolution of a UnicornI am a unicorn,
Rare, wild, and free.
But I'm being held,
In the reins of society.
She pulls me sharply,
And won't let me act out.
"Stop!
I'm my own unicorn!"
I want to shout.
She leads me to a stall,
Where awaits my downfall.
Society has clippers,
Big, scary, and long.
She says I must change,
Because I don't belong.
With a grand gesture,
She cuts off my horn.
So now I'm a horse,
Which means a forlorn unicorn.
MessEverywhere I go
Every single place
The troubles seem to grow
Every smiling face
Eventually frowns with woe

Why can't I do
Anything right
I just screw
Up everything despite
The happiness I try to spew

Is it me
Am I the source of this ache
Does the pain flow free
Is this what I make
People be?

Should I go away and hide
Never to see others
Or the outside
But would I stop another's
Pain and be the only one that ever cried

What is a life with no grey
When everyone is sad
I'd give it all away
It wouldn't be that bad
I would finally be able to say

I saved a life
ConformityI’m here in my head
Existing amongst the dead
Life is being taken
Things are mistaken
It seems people run voluntarily to misery
As though pretending, the nonexistence of history
All eyes seem jaded, or intensely blind
A wonder to them how the world will unwind
Continue to watch them, try and stop them
Pull them away by the strings of their hem
Try to save them, but you’ll be the ignorant fool
Sincerely they believe you’re the devil’s tool
They cannot see how the devil masquerades
Conning to enlist them in his festering charades
To fight against the right
To fight against the light
To fight against our joy
By playing w
I'm Still LaughingIt really is quite funny.

How one second I'm in tears,
over how I don't know whether to live or die.
Then I'm making cruel cruel jokes about when I'm going to commit suicide.

I am true bitch.
An total shit.

I had a nap.
And woke up in the shittest mood.

Stressed out.
Made me spill shit.
Then depressed and angry and pissed at myself.
Then fucking alone. Because I depend on my friends and have to talk 24/7 with them.

I have wanted to die for the past, what 4 months.
Full on poof, ding, pop, boom, gone.

But it's only resently I reaslised I'm too much of a parnoid piece of crap to kill myself.
No I'd have to go out and do everything under
made me this wayFor too long
You lied to me
For too long
You made me
Wait
Alone
In the
Darkness
Now
Im walking away
When you ask others
About me
Ask about how
Why
I have changed
Just remember
It was you
Who made me this way
Browse More Like This

More from ~YellowTori

Don't let her fly away... She needs to be found,
To be captured and held on to...
Because...
She runs away,
She hides,
She Flies...
 
Ignore her but never see the beauty in her eyes,
Or the words she writes...
 
She found you,
In everything you do,
In everything she does and thinks.
 
Hear her quiet actions and not be blinded by her scared voice.
 
Remember.
If you do aything at all...
Remember her.
Believe in the girl trapped inside her.
 
Give her the chance.
Give her the first word of a conversation.
 
Let her trust build in you and see more words tumble out of her sweet mouth.
Let her laugh give you a warm hug on a cold day,
And her kindness and support help you out of bed in the morning.
 
Just give her the support once you found her and the beauty within,
And she will be like the butterfly that never...
flew away..
White AshWhite Ash.          Burning lies.           Nothing Soars.           Nothing Flies.

Featured in Groups

:iconwritten-emotion: :iconthebutterflyproject: :iconall-poetry: :iconstop-the-suffering: :iconhopingforhappiness: :iconallliteraturewelcome: :iconi-understand:
×

Hell Doesn't Even Know

:iconyellowtori:

I want to cry so much...
Why?

Maybe I'm happy,
Maybe I'm sad.

I feel so alone,
Yet I've been with people all day.
I feel so unloved,
Yet I know I have people who love me.

I can't talk about these feelings.
I can't open up when the door is locked.
And the key is lost.

I want to inspire,
But I just recieve empathy.
I want to die,
But I keep on breathing.

I feel so confused, lost and all alone.
The feelings inside me are too strong for my body.

I don't want someone to understand.
I want someone to give me the answers to why I am like this.
And a solution to fix the massacre inside me...

500

42 21 19
:iconyellowtori:

Hell Doesn't Even Knowby ~YellowTori

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how I feel....
©2013 ~YellowTori
Category: Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

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January 27
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:iconsilencedbook9:
Mood: Sadness ~Silencedbook9 Jan 29, 2013  Student Writer
Need a hug?
Reply
:iconbanana-taco:
Mood: Love ~Banana-Taco Jan 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
DUDE YOU HAVE THE POWERS OF THE POETRY GODS OMG. You let me know how you feel with so much detail. Trust me, I've felt this before... But I have broken through the broken doors and now, I have found some happiness. ♥ Feel better~
Reply
:iconmarmodre:
~Marmodre Jan 27, 2013
My, I reckon many of these words as mine own; seeing them on paper slightyl shakes something in me. However, the only advise i have is to not become cynical and cold and ignoring your own feelings, as I have. It will be harder to find the point of change, then.
Reply
:iconpullitapart:
~PullItApart Jan 27, 2013
The door is locked, but you can't ever lose the key. It sounds horrifying, and stupid, and hopeless, but choose someone you think is the most worth your trust and tell them stuff. Tell them you're hurting and tell them why.

It seems like it won't help, but it takes the burden off somehow. It makes it better.
Seriously, feeling the way you do is the worst I've ever felt. As soon as I started allowing myself to lean on my friends when I needed to, I learned that friendship has to be a two way street for it to work. If you just listen but never share, you're not the only one feeling alone. They want to get to know you better if they want to be your friend. They want to help you, listen to you, care about you. They can give advice, and even if it sucks, it's good to hear all perspectives and look at a situation rationally.

If you allow yourself to build up good friendships like that, you actually start to feel awesome. Having a relationship doesn't seem like the only thing that matters anymore. You enjoy the feeling your friendships give you enough to be alone when you go to bed, because at the end of the day you feel the love overflowing. :)
Reply
:iconyellowtori:
~YellowTori Jan 27, 2013  Student Writer
Unfortuantely the friend I rely on most has being the one person who I'm the most angry with. I'm struggling so much. Because the people who I'd go to either don't know what to do if I ask them something or are fighting their own battle.
Reply
:iconpullitapart:
~PullItApart Jan 27, 2013
Everyone's fighting their own battles. It's a matter of sharing each other's burdens, you know? Talk to them anyway.
Reply
:iconravinniaofcreed:
~ravinniaofcreed Jan 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I felt that way for years. I still do, but things do get better. I know that now. Stay strong and kick life's ass. Fighting it is the only way to find happiness. It takes a long time, but it DOES work.
Reply
:iconyellowtori:
~YellowTori Jan 27, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks :)
Reply
:iconravinniaofcreed:
~ravinniaofcreed Jan 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You are most welcome.
Reply
:iconatlover111:
!ATLover111 Jan 27, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I feel the same way, buddy... you're not alone :)
Reply
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