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RelapseIt’s like counting
Saturn’s rings,
hash marks
along your limbs -
remembering a time
when

‘just one more’

made you feel better.

- & you’re sitting there
wondering why
Draco, stuck in limbo
always looks like he’s

falling.
Does that make me Different?I wear make up. Does that make me fake?
I cry. Does that make me emo?
I have male friends. Does that make me slutty?
I smile a lot. Does that make me weird?
I laugh loud. Does that make me preppy?
I have anxiety. Does that make me a freak?
I have Bipolar Disorder. Does that make me abnormal?
I respect people. I change for me, and only me. I have a past, but I know I have a future.
Does that make me different?
Maybe.
But at least it makes me
Me.
Sleeping Beautyshe’s in love with a character who
never existed but in the labyrinth of her head:
a patchwork composition of beautiful, lengthy words
she’d heard in her catatonic state; coma living
day in and day out, reliant on the salvation
of a man made of foreign wishing
and imperfection and necessity – an ignorance
of the less than ideal perception of self she’d
come to fear, absention stained romantic to the point
where daydreams were a standard for survival

(real living is for the purposeful of heart,
he loves her in her sleep)
UneditedWe cry.
We scream.
We fight for our dream.

We scream.
We cry.
We're just waiting to die.

The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.

The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.

So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?

Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?

Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.

Wouldn't surprise.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"
WorthlessWorthless,
the name that cuts like a knife,
Me,
it's all that you see inside,
My heart,
is breaking with every breath I take
The lies,
the only thing I can't seem to face.
Battle in my MindEat.
    Don't eat.
Take it easy.
        Work out until you pass out.
Get help.Tell someone.
            Keep it a secret. It's only for you and me.
You're perfect.
                You're worthless.
You're beautiful.
                    You're disgusting.
Why won't you listen?
                        They don't understand.
Let me help you.
                            You don't understand.
Show me.
                                No!
I love you..
                                   
In The Daylight
In The Daylight

A false downfall
An unexpected revival

Sunset to moonset
Shining through darkness

Life...redefined
Death...redesigned

In the valley of promises- I will fear no end
On the brink of weakness- I will ascend
-
Roads of the toughest
Paths of the darkest

I conditioned my flawed limits
So fearful memories won't be paralytic

I had to raise my own spirit
Strength and endurance become so vivid

A chance for change / A moment of fate
A time to make peace / A brief feeling of creed
A sealing of my slate / A silencing of my mistakes
A secret ready to be freed / A chain soon-to-be incomplete

Pain and peace are infinite
Judge the wrat
wallflower clippingsthere's scar tissue in her throat,
swollen around the words she never said;
dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered, and
a staleness to her touch,
the crystalline Dead Sea.

she's living like a story
that's already been told
"if no one loved you
would you mean anything at all?"

in that moment,
we forget to exist.
We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.
 
It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.
 
We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.
 
There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so
LonelyLonely.
Unnoticed.
People don't even look
when they walk by.
Always ignored...
Nobody even asks my ideas,
my opinion.
Nobody even knows
who I am.
When people see me,
they either ignore me,
or ask a question:
"Who are you?"
But they don't even bother
to listen to my response:
"I'm Canada."
Forgotton.
Forgotton by everyone.
Forgotton by my friends, my allies.
Maybe one day
Someone will remember my name.
Canada.
Her SideTomorrow she'll be gone,
but what can you say?
Nothing can help her.
The pain won't go away.

But she would've stopped,
you could've said no.
That's what she wanted,
someone to say don't go.

That someone wanted her,
or at least would try.
That someone would grieve
if she were to die.

But you just stared,
nodding your head,
and she realized the truth
with a feeling of dread.

No one wanted her.
No one cared.
Not even you,
with the the love you shared.

So she said good-bye,
and you watched her leave.
She may have had the rope,
but now you can't breathe.
Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.

Splash.

In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.

There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop
Honesty    Written

         from the

              heart.

No eraser.
PerfectEver had the feeling where you can't stop looking at a picture?
Your gorgeous face makes me smile
Go weak at the knees
Makes me giggle like a little girl

Those morning texts
All day conversations
Random silly things like that
Make me smile

I see the led light flash the colours I've set for when I get a message from you
My heart flutters
My cheeks flush
I go deaf to the world when I'm reading a message from you

If your down
I'm always there for you
I know you don't want to worry me
I know you want me to smile
But I'm always here for you
No matter how you feel
I'd prefer to help
Than for you to be down

Your gorgeous eyes
Are mesmerising
You
Our MasksThe masks we wear are perfect
Never loose and rarely tight
They keep us safe from others
And keep our demons out of sight

They smile when we are broken
And laugh when we simply must
No blemish or imperfection
A creation that will never rust.

I seldom ever remember
Who I am without my mask
That to peel off that layer
Is such a daunting task

All others carry one as well
Wherever they may go
And no matter what is on their minds
Only the molded mask will show.

The lies they preach in public
Or the scars along their wrists
Are left mute to others knowledge
Ignorance is such a splendid gift

My mask is oh so perfect
Not a crack will show
Alway
Browse More Like This
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More from ~YellowTori

One DaySmile at me when I'm sat with my friends
Laugh with me in the rain
Hug me as the school day ends
Tease me in chemistry again

Determined to get better than you in the next test
Determined to say hello to you in class
Determined to use this chance to its best
Determined to smile as each other we pass

Teach me when I'm wrong
Praise me when I'm Right
You're humming a song
Chat to me all night

Some of these things you do
Some of these things you don't
Some of these things I do
Some of these things I don't

I'm confusing, you're confusing
At the moment I'm confused at the simplest things that attack
One day nothing and t
DreamsI dream that..

For a day I'll be clever.
For a day I'll be pretty.
For a day he'll hug me and smile and chat and it'll be like we'd never been strangers
For a day I won't shut up no matter who I'm next to
For a day I'll be happily in love
For a day I'll stand up for what I believe in
For a day I'll be married
For a day I'll be a mother
For a day I'll be a writer

Forever I will dream and believe,
That if these dreams can last a day,
I'll have lived a good life.

But if theses dreams can exceed a day,
I'll be the luckiest person alive...
Gone..."Hello?"
But no one calls out
"Hello!"
Again he will shout
 
She is gone
And he knows this
She is gone
And there is nothing he can do
 
First call
Nothing
Second call
Something  
 
A small feeling in his heart
That told him
Her soul and body were apart 
 
"I love you!"
But it's too late
"I loved you..."
But now it's out of date
 
Black clothes and thoughts go
He tells them about her
Tear stung eyes show
He conforts her mother
He knew as well
He knew and yet was blind
He knew how she felt when she fell
But denial invaded his mind

Featured in Groups:

:iconthebutterflyproject: #TheButterflyProject
 :iconstop-the-suffering: #Stop-the-Suffering
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 :iconi-understand: #I-Understand

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February 18
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[x]

How?

:iconyellowtori:

I was saying I felt depressed.
I was using glass to stratch myself for a while.
I had suicidal thoughts.
I drew butterflies.
I felt alone and abandoned.

How did I not click that I had depression until August 2012...

How is it that... I told my friend, which is ment to being a good thing.
Lead on to cutting...

How did telling most of my friends...
Lead to a set date?

How did telling someone... seeking help...
change that set date by a month?

How did nearly 2 month of no cutting...
Just made me hate myself more?
Add a Comment:
 
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:iconartemis-f-fox:
~Artemis-F-Fox Feb 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm not going to tell you to not hate yourself, because you can't help it. (I don't mean to bag at the others..)

:tighthug: I'm just sorry you're going through this.

I have lots of experience if you need someone to talk to...

message me e///e
Reply
:iconyellowtori:
~YellowTori Feb 19, 2013  Student Writer
Aw thank you :) :tighthug:
Reply
:iconartemis-f-fox:
~Artemis-F-Fox Feb 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
c:
Reply
:iconthelisaraptor:
*thelisaraptor Feb 18, 2013  Student Writer
You shouldn't hate yourself, you have managed something wonderful. 2 months is amazing. <3
Reply
:iconyellowtori:
~YellowTori Feb 18, 2013  Student Writer
To me it just isn't a good thing. My outlook changes so often it's hard to explain. Somedays, I hate the fact I haven't done it in so long. Mainly becasue I have urges and hate myself for being so strong and for having so much self control. It's weird. It's my own feelings yet I don't understand them. Thank you though :)
Reply
:iconangelgem:
~Angelgem Feb 18, 2013
TORIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Y U HATE SELF YOU AWESOME PERSON!!!
u more awesome than me........
Reply
:iconyellowtori:
~YellowTori Feb 18, 2013  Student Writer
Aww Bambi :) You're so cute :P I have no idea why I hate myself. I finf myself the most annoyed person. Surely you have a worst enemy. So do I it's just myself. :) And no one is as awesome as you! ;) Well except a certain Awesome person...
Reply
:iconangelgem:
~Angelgem Feb 18, 2013
OHH who who who?!?!?!
and I'm not that awesome I'm like a ghost there and listening just never really needed

and I don't actually hate anyone........... is that a good or a bad thing?
Reply
:iconyellowtori:
~YellowTori Feb 19, 2013  Student Writer
:) My lips are sealed :D Haha. Really you don't hate anyone? Fine most annoying person :P
Reply
:iconangelgem:
~Angelgem Feb 19, 2013
mean. *pouts*
erm again I don't really have someone like that, unless you count most of the boys in our school.....
Reply
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