I don't know where to start.
I've been feeling very alone.
I've been feeling physically ill.
Head rushes, stomach aches, headaches...
Maybe my body is finally giving up.
I've had such bad urges and wants to self harm.
And that constant feeling of wanting to die,
It never goes away.
I just get distracted...
I've been paranoid and anxious,
after being in the house for two days.
Scrubbing my hands and freaking out about complete strangers.
I haven't been sickened by my day or feelings.
I've been cold and in need of energy.
Food has comforted me in the final days of the week.
I haven't seen a single friend.
Nor had a good conversation.
The whole week has been a weird concoction of a black goo,
With flecks of fake 'old times' and sugar sponcered mania.
I've been trapped and drained.
I can't relax.
My wrists are chained with self control.
Only a lip and a scab to pick at.
I have no energy to pull away from these chains either.
Well, not enough energy to face the concequences after as well.
I've been broken to deperate tears,
Curled up in a ball on the floor.
My mind has been beaten up with memories;
Broken by reality.
The only ways I've gotten by, is by watching a box set of my favourite tv show,
having daily naps- which didn't last- and daydreaming about situations of running away and going into a coma.
I started writing but even that ended too quickly.
The days have blurred together but the moment I'm in lasts forever.
I can't live like this.
Where ever I am and go there is some problem growing in my mind.
I really need to find that room and lock myself in it.
That way I can only hurt myself.
Loneliness will become second nature.
And I'll never have to be anxious again...